Showing posts with label husband. Show all posts

On Sacrifice

By Apolinario Villalobos

Sacrifice has always been a part of our life…a very painful experience and episode that can determine our emotional strength. And, just like everything on Earth that has a reason for “being”, the sacrifice that befalls us has a reason, and the realization can be understood if only we think deeper and seriously about it. As much as possible, we should not hate the world for any painful episode in our life.

I once read in the internet about a battered wife who was later abandoned by her husband, as if the battering was not enough to humiliate her person. She thought of committing a suicide but she thought of her child, barely one year old. When she went to the market one day, she befriended a vegetable vendor of her age. Their friendship was such that they confided to each other about their status in life. They both found out that they have same the same harrowing experience but the vegetable vendor was left with 3 children by her drug addict husband, while the other one was only with one child. At, the end, she ended up selling vegetables alongside her friend, the second battered wife with 3 children, after learning the rudiments of sidewalk vending. It was only when she started vending that she discovered her acumen for selling. She began to embark on selling second-hand jewelries but did not abandon her vegetable stall as her customers were her frequent buyers. She was able to save money that she used to open a small convenient store in front of their house. She realized that had she not been abandoned by her husband, she would be still suffering from his humiliation and cruelty. Alone with her child, she was able to stand on her own feet and regained her dignity.

I have mentioned in a blog that everything that one wishes for can be had, but it takes a lot of pain and sacrifice in exchange for such. Nothing wonderful can be achieved just with the click of fingers, except for those who were born with the proverbial silver spoon in their mouth. But, then, most of them grow up sad and discontented and most often alone for being envied, so they have to resort to practically “buying” their friends.

Separation of husbands and wives oftentimes come out as a “blessing in disguise”. God gave the parties the chance to live together but due to worldly dissatisfactions, they decided to part ways which surely entailed a lot of painful sacrifice. Their former relationship could be used as a gauge in assessing their new life. The only question that may be asked could be, “are they happier?” If they are, indeed, they have the painful experience of separation – a sacrifice, to thank for. Had they endured the spats and quarrels with their former partners, thereby, miss the chance to move on….there’s nobody to blame but themselves for being timid.

Our life is in itself a “motion” and such mobility should not be hindered, otherwise, we shall stagnate. We have to move on. If we fail to do that, we will be like stagnant water that stinks!

ANG KASAL AT ANG MARRIAGE CONTRACT

Ni Apolinario Villalobos

Kung ang lahat ng kontrata ay may mga condition at expiration, dapat ang marriage contract ay meron din. Subalit dapat bigyan ng pagkakataon ang mga kinakasal na balewalain ang expiration kung gusto nilang magsama habang-buhay. Dapat ay may mga condition din ito na batayan ng automatic na pagbabalewala sa kontrata kahit hindi pa umabot sa expiration. Para sa mga mayayaman ay proteksiyon ng mga ikinasal ang mga condtion upang hindi mapagsama ang mga ari-arian nila bago sila ikasal at ang expiration  ay para sa walang gulong hiwalayan kung nagkasawaan na sa isa’t isa.

Kung hindi rin lang masunod ang mga nabanggit dapat ay palitan ang pantukoy o titulo ng dokumento. Sa halip na “contract” dapat ay tawagin itong “COMMITMENT AND ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF CEREMONY” dahil ang basic na laman nito ay ang “pangako” sa isa’t isa ng dalawang ikinasal na “magsasama habang buhay, sa hirap at ginhawa”….kahit hindi binanggit na ang pagsasama ay umabot sa umbagan, sakalan, tadyakan, saksakan…..kawawa daw kasi ang mga anak nila kung sila ay maghiwalay. At, lalo’t higit ay kahit umabot sa pag-abandona ng lalaki sa pamilya niya dahil nagbahay ng isang mas sariwa at mabangong itini-table niya sa paboritong beer house….at kahit umabot din sa pagpendeho sa lalaki na iniwan ng asawang malandi at makati kaya sumama sa isang machong tricycle driver o pulis.

Dapat ding tawaging “acknowledgment” ang dokumento dahil ito ang magpapatunay na nang ikasal ang magsing-irog, sila ay nasa katinuan ng kanilang pag-iisip….hindi bangag sa bawal na gamot, hindi lasing, at walang tutukan ng baril na nangyari.

Ang presidente ng Pilipinas ay pwede nang manumpa ng tungkuling pangako sa harap ng isang Barangay Chairman, kaya dapat ay pwede na ring magkasal ang nasabing LGU official. Ang taong nagkakasal ang pangunahing saksi sa pangakong magsasama sa dalawang ikinasal, ang mga ninong at ninang ay suporta lamang. Ganoon din ang nangyayari kung pari ang nagkasal, subalit sinasabi na kung sa simbahan ginawa ang seremonya, ang pangunahing saksi ay ang Diyos o si Hesus. Sa isang banda, kung ang Diyos o si Hesus ay nasa paligid at hindi limitado ang presensiya sa loob lang ng simbahan , sila ay nasa  beach din, restaurant, events venue, lugar ng mga casino tulad ng Las Vegas, basketball court, etc. kung saan ay ginagawa ang Christian ceremony. Ang problema nga lang dito ay ang pirmahan sa “contract” na walang expiration dahil ang ibang nagpapakasal ay nadala lang ng damdamin kaya makalipas lang ang ilang buwan o taon ay nag-uumbagan ang “magsing-irog”  dahil walang maisaing na bigas o di kaya ay dahil sa selos!

Tokens of Love for the Beloved

By Apolinario Villalobos

One need not be rich

to show the love that throbs in his heart.

Tokens are not measured

by the weight of gold and value of paper bills...

not even by the vastness of the land he owns,

or fleet of cars in his garage.

A sincere token of love can be felt by the beloved -

even a peck on the check,

a hug that need not be chokingly tight

but warm enough,

to send a tinge of assurance

that he is just around.

Tokens of love need not be

the oft-repeated promises

broken in a fleeting second by temptations.

A sweet smile that parts the lips

and a touch of one’s finger tips

are enough for tears

to roll down the beloved’s face

and a suppressed sob -

at last, that she lets out

as his love for her…

she can no longer doubt.

Please read this with open mind…and do not come up with a conclusion till after the last line.

On Same-sex Marriage

and Marriage itself

by Apolinario Villalobos

In the Philippines, the issue on same- sex marriage remains very sensitive, fragile, delicate, volatile, brittle, etc. The first time I heard about this kind of marriage, I immediately made a conclusion that “marriage” per se, be it done in churches, city hall, or basketball court, should not be applied to a homosexual relationship because such ceremony understandably involves the “father- to- be” and the “mother- to- be”, which has a biological implication. To put forward “adoption” of a child as a reason to substantiate the matrimonial ceremony for gay couples is flimsy.  A gay couple can live together as they please and adopt a child, anyway, and without a binding document, so that any of them who first develop the feeling of suffocation can just step out of the door…so why still seek “marriage”?

Those behind the gay movement should assert for recognition, understanding, tolerance, and respect, instead. In this view, police precincts should change the signage on their special desk for children and women, to include gay. Understanding and tolerance must start within the family to help the individual grow emotionally stable. With those given, respect follows. That is how this issue should be treated, not jump into the marriage issue immediately which is proved as not even completely effective for heterosexual partners.

Another compromise that would totally eliminate the “same-sex marriage” issue is by having a law that shall recognize all types of “ceremony” for gay couples, without question on their gender. A word should be coined for such kind of ceremony to give it some kind of substance. The gay couple should be referred to as “partners” and not as “husband and wife”. The Catholic Church definitely cannot do this because it avers that marriage is “made in heaven” and only for a man and a woman who are expected to procreate because of their biological make up. On the other hand, because gays are a form of life, creatures of God, too, the Catholic Church should give them due respect, hence, understanding and tolerance of their emotions.

Individuals with special sexual preference must not be faulted for having such kind of feeling. First of all, nobody ever asked that they be born in this chaotic world. However, when they were formed in the womb, either intentionally or accidentally, they were not also given the choice which gender to have, much more the questioned in-between one. It is a good thing that when infants were baptized, they did not show any sign of gayness, otherwise they would not have been given the “watery blessing” by discriminating priests!

Gays on the other hand, must understand that failed marriage is expensive, considering the cost in the filing of legal separation and divorce, and with stringent conditions, yet. I gathered that a simple divorce procedure could cost a staggering 300 thousand pesos or more!

I had been advocating for the marriage contract to have a validity period, beyond which the couple can go on their separate ways if they do not want to renew the expired document. Therefore, there is no need for them to file for the expensive divorce. Contract is a legal temporal binding document between or among parties and is never complete without expiration in the form of validity period or conditions as basis for its nullification. So why not put such provision in the civil marriage contract? The Catholic Church seems to have seen this angle, as it has its so-called optional and symbolic “renewal of vows” for couples after living together as husband and wife for years. But none of this kind is being done for the civil marriage.

I know of a woman who lovingly “warned” her bed-ridden husband who could only stare but could not speak due to a series of stroke, not to die yet, until after their diamond wedding anniversary. The woman, herself, told me this story while sounding funny. But for me, the message is clear…perpetuation of love between couples is not dictated by any law, nor written on any piece of document but dwells in the heart, that not even a series of stroke rendering a husband or a wife bed-ridden, can suppress.

For Filipino gays who would like to get married, my suggestion is an expensive jaunt to the United States. I am sure that with the decision of the US Supreme Court, the non-gays will also use this reason to get a US visa, as any US embassy is not supposed to reject such a harmless request which is the latest bold manifestation of freedom for which the country of “big opportunities” is known.