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Hurt Feelings and Grief
Posted on Saturday, 21 November 2015
Hurt
Feelings and Grief
By Apolinario Villalobos
Several times, I have proven that “mind
over matter” really works. I found out that some friends also had the same
experience. Pain can be managed – both the emotional and physical. All it needs
is mental discipline. Unfortunately, instead of overcoming pain in any way
possible, some people even fake illness and grief to be used as alibi in
evading responsibilities.
Pampering illness and grief results to
self-pity that further results to the deterioration of personality and health.
The body has its own way of counteracting the malfunction of any organ, the
most noticeable sign being the fever. Instead of feeling miserable, the mind
should help the body by controlling the negative emotion. The same mind-driven
control should be applied when somebody is grief-stricken.
If a person becomes used to the “mind over
matter” routine, emotional maturity sets in which is very important in coming
up with sound decisions and having a healthy outlook in life, despite the
occurrence of tragedy. Also, if a person gets used to pain, no amount of threat
or weight on his shoulder can buckle him down. This is the reason why recruits
of the police and military forces had to go through painful trainings to
prepare them for any unexpected perilous situation later on, especially,
torture to be inflicted by enemies when captured while dispensing of their
responsibilities in the field.
Grief is more painful than wound.
Uncontrolled grief can drive some people to the verge of committing suicide.
Grief can cause depression to set in which affects the emotion. If a person is
psychology weak, it will be a downslide all the way for him. Not only will he
be angry at himself, family, and other loved ones, but the whole world, as
well. It also, takes a very long time for some people to get over grief,
especially, due to the death of a loved one. Queen Victoria of England for
instance, wore black dress to grieve the death of her husband, until the time
of her death. Some need a year or a little more before they can move on. During
the mentioned long period of grief, the affected just let their troubled
emotion flow through a normal course until it has finally calmed down.
For the unaffected of a tragedy, it is easy
to say, “take it easy” to the victim.
How can everything be taken in stride after a typhoon for instance, has
leveled down the victim’s house and even killed some members of his family? How
can a widowed jobless wife take it easy, with her husband gone due to illness,
as there are still kids to be taken care of? Instead of being vocal with such
kind of sympathy, it is suggested that financial or material assistance be
extended to the grieving party if the mourner can afford it, otherwise, the
latter should better keep his mouth shut, as silence can also imply deeply-felt
compassion.
Giving comfort to the grieving is a
universal obligation. It is during the moment of grief that extended hands are
most needed by them. Even just the thought that a friend is around and ready to
give comfort, relieves the grief-stricken of some burden. Comforting need not
be verbalized, as earlier mentioned, but manifested in many ways such as taking
over some responsibilities in the grieving family’s home or the wake’s venue,
which the members of the grieving family cannot do for the duration of the
wake. This is a traditional practice in the rural areas of the Philippines.
On the other hand, the Chinese hire
“professional crying women” to enhance the depressing atmosphere during the
wake of their dead and along the way to the resting ground. Pagan people gash
their bodies to show their grief. Meanwhile, in the Old Testament days, the
Israelites wore sack clothes and poured ash over their head when a member of
the family or a leader died, and completing such show of grief were the beating
of chest and pulling of hair while crying to the top of their voice.
Today, among the Filipino Roman Catholics,
showing a sad face during the wake is no longer widely practiced. Some families
even hire a videoke unit, alleging that it’s the last wish of the deceased – to
have singing and merriment during his or her wake. Gambling and heavy drinking
are also allowed, aside from butchering of pigs and even cows, in the case of
the affluent, for the duration of the wake. This is the family’s way of
joyously sending off the spirit of the departed on his journey to another world
of supposedly infinite life and happiness. And, on the way to the cemetery,
merry tunes are played by the marching band or audio player. Well, that’s life…and,
death – only in the Philippines!
